Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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