Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize
