he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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