They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
