drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize