Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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