guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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