3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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