The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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