WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
