Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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