I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
