So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
