Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
