he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
