you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Life is so much better after having sex.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
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