and my herpes radar will keep us safe
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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