So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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