ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
where am i from again
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Can I color on your dick again?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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