drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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