Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
