In the future we'll all be gay
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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