I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
