He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
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