You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
