apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
