All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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