just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
