Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
