every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
