I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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