you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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