Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
