Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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