When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
