When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
