yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
