so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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