I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
