I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
