After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
