she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
