Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
