Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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