Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
