I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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