You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
