tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
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haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
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Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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