Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
