ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
