I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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