She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
