You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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