You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late