found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends