He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
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There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
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There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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