I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
