Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings