My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
