even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
