I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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