shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
