My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
she looked like the before picture.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
