her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
