PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
