I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
