i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
