i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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