Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
