dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
This is classic penis vs brain.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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