Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
