Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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