I want to make a zoo with you.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
