That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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