My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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