that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
