be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
