Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
