you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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