we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
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