got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
