did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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