If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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