how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
