I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
