Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
