3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize