Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
