Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
